Where are you?
September 12, 2014 @ 10:33 PM


Peace Upon To You,

#Feelingpaper. I used to have a best friend, truly best friend.
I loved her as a friend, more than the other best friends that I ever had.
I don`t know why, but I loved to be along with her.
Loved to laugh with her.
Loved to make jokes with her.
 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 
I missed the taste of the sweeter life. I liked to think that we were best friend.
But I wonder where were her?
When I was at my worst down on my knees.
People said that:

" Don`t love someone with all your heart,
`cause that same heart will hate the same person. "

Yep. I admit it. I afraid to lose someone in my life.
I`m afraid to lose her from my life, but it doesn`t mean that I want her to leave me.
Once, we had a slow talk to each other.
I apologized towards her for being such an asshole.
I refused to talk with her because I`m afraid to face the truth that
one day, she will leave me alone. It is our last year in school.
She smiled and said it was nothing. She will never leave me alone.
She will go nowhere.
I tried to fake a smile, listened to the words that slipped out
from her lips, while my heart still believed that it will never happen.
I don`t know. I just think that it will never happen.
And now, it never happen.
Then, I said that sometimes,
I always cried for her when she did something bad on me and
she did not realized it.
She apologized and asked me to never cry for her again
because when I was at my darkest moment, she was laughing with her friends
I asked her, if she ever thought me as her best friend because to
be her best friend was what I wished for.
Then, she said that I was too far away to be her best friend.
At that time, my mind went blanked so I did not pay attention to her until one day,
I thought about it again and suddenly
I can felt my tears fall down from my cheeks, and went onto my telekung.
Oh.
Now, I know the feeling when someone broke your heart
twice.
I could felt the tingling feeling on my palms. I clenched both my hands tight,
as my heart slowly tore apart.
Bleeding.
I`m willing to do everything for her,
I was there when she was crying,
I became a hand for her to pull her from the darkest moment,
I became a shoulder so that she could leaned on,
And this what I got back.
I promised to myself that,
she was the last. I never want a best friend after her.
If,
if she came back to me, pleading from me,
I will totally ignore her.
For the rest of my life.
I let down my guard for her and she took it,
then threw it away.
I don`t want to have a best friend anymore because
it`s hurt.
It`s totally hurt for me.
Thanks for the memory that we both shared,
laughs, tears, jokes and everything.
I will always remembered it as you are
the best of the best of my best friend that
I ever had.